Good bye at First Sight

By Charity Nyoni

To the generation of expensive suits and perfumes……

My trembling knees, kissed each other as I forced myself to be composed and have enough stability to carry the weight of this body as l slid onto a wooden bench. My world just froze for a moment as people ran to and fro, some jumping, some falling and fainting, bringing out a true depiction of a Zimbabwean funeral.
“No! No! It can’t be her!” I said to myself as I tried to wipe away the impending guilt that engulfed my entire being.
As seconds flew by, one after the other, it was confirmed that my grandmother was no more! But how could she have died when I was meant to meet her for the first time. It was not my fault right, I don’t know maybe it was my mother’s blunder for not introducing me to my father’s family for twenty six years.
Well, I had recently reconnected with my father’s family although it saddened my heart that my father had died a year ago before meeting me. That day I was so happy to travel from Bulawayo to Lupane to meet with my family for the first time. When I left Bulawayo my mother was very livid but I didn’t care because she had separated me from my father’s family for so many years and I was grown enough to make my own choices.
I vividly recall the 24th of February 2018 as l climbed out of a coughing, noisy and lifeless rural bus. A dirty old woman, in her early seventies was struggling to cross the busy road. Something in me told me to help her to cross but I was too well dressed and smelling nice to touch her scrawny, smelly hands. I ignored the whispering angel and gave the devil something to boast about as I quickly crossed the road.
I arrived at my grandfather’s homestead and everything was well set for my homecoming party. As soon as the greetings and introductions were over, we received the sad news of how the old woman I did not help to cross the road had been hit by a bus and died on the spot. My doubts were cleared when I saw her stone cold body still lying next to the road, in a pool of blood. If I could, turn the hands of mother time I would. My perfume was something I could replenish but her soul once departed, it never came back. This is a secret I have never breathed to any ear until now that I cannot carry this burden anymore.